THIS IS THE STORY OF OLD MAN JOE.
OLD MAN JOE WAS A MERRY OLD SOUL,
UNTIL A ROBBER HIS MONEY DID STOLE.
HE CALLED FOR HIS JUSTICE, HE CALLED FOR HIS RIGHTS.
WHILE THE ROBBER LOUNGED IN PARIS, SEEING THE SIGHTS.
WHEN HE CALLED THE POLICE, HE FOUND THEY WERE OUT TO LUNCH.
SO HE TOOK IT TO HIMSELF; OLD JOE HAD A HUNCH.
HE HEFTED UP HIS SHOTGUN, AND LOADED IT TWICE.
'THAT ROBBER'S GONNA GET SOMETHIN', AN' IT AIN'T TOO NICE.'
HE HELD UP THE AIRPORT AND ASKED TO FLY A PLANE.
BUT THE AIR CONTROLLER'S OFFICE YELLED 'YOU CAN'T. IT'S GONNA RAIN.
SO HE PULLED THE TRIGGERS ON HIS GUN AND BLEW EVERYONE AWAY.
'WHO CARES ABOUT THE WEATHER?' HE YELLED, 'IT AIN'T A RAINY DAY.'
HOPPING ON A JUMBO JET AND SLAMMING ON THE GAS,
OLD MAN JOE TOOK OFF FOR FRANCE, AND DIDN'T TAKE NO SASS.
THE PROBLEM BECAME EVIDENT AT SIXTY THOUSAND FEET.
'I'VE NEVER FLEWN A PLANE BEFORE, AN' I'M IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.'
BEWILDERED AND DISMAYED, OLD JOE JUST SAID HIS PRAYERS.
'PLEASE DON'T LET ME DIE, WAY UP HERE IN THE AIRS.'
A MIGHTY HAND SWOOPED FROM THE CLOUDS
AND CAUGHT THE PLANE AT ONCE.
'I WILL GUIDE YOU,' BOOMED A VOICE, 'TO THE LAND YOU CALL FRUNCE.'
OLD MAN JOE COULDN'T BELIEVE HIS EARS
AND SO HE SAID OUT LOUD, 'GOD. GOD! THANK YOU LORD.
YOUR LOVE I'LL NEVER DOUBT.'
'WHY YOU NINNY,' BOOMED THE LORD, 'IT ISN'T THAT I DO,
I JUST LIKE TO PLAY WITH PLANES, IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF YOU.'
OLD MAN JOE JUST SAT AND CRIED, WHILE HEARING THE SAD NEWS.
THE LORD SAID, 'OLD MAN JOE, YOU'RE BURNING DOWN MY FUSE.'
THEN THE LORD SAID 'BESIDES, I LIKE THIS JUMBO JET.
I THINK I'LL TAKE IT BACK HOME AND ADD IT TO MY SET.'
AND SO OLD MAN JOE WAS TAKEN FOR A RIDE TO A VERY DISTANT LAND.
AND ALL THE TIME HIS AIRPLANE WAS CLUTCHED IN THE LORD'S HAND.
'I WONDER WHERE MY MONEY IS?' FUMED THE ANGERED MAN.
'IF I SAW THAT ROBBER NOW, I'D STUFF HIM IN A CAN.'
'NOW, NOW,' BOOMED THE LORD, 'WE'LL SOON ARRIVE AT HOME.
BY THE WAY, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, OR I'LL MAKE YOU A SLUDGE OF FOAM.'
TRANSCRIBED BY SHAUN LAWTON IN JAN OF 1982
